QI’m a cute, mostly straight, twenty-something, single, and (safely) sexually active woman. This happens to me pretty often: I hook up with a guy, we start fooling around, and we’re both really into it. I reach down, and he’s full sail. Things progress—clothes come off, etc—and, as is generally the polite order of things, the lady comes first. (This isn’t the problem.) I’m not aggressive, but I’m not shy. I tell a partner what I like and how to do it. They are always happy to oblige. The thing is, after I get off, a lot of times the guy is limp. (This is the problem.) They usually express frustration and indicate that they’re very much turned on but it’s just not working. Generally, after a few times, they will stop having this problem, and we will end up having lots of fun. So I don’t think I’m doing anything “wrong” to kill the boners. I think maybe I’m just intimidating. In fact, I’ve been told so. Why does this happen and how can I reduce the awkwardness? Should I talk about it or just ignore it? And should I keep trying to make him hard? Or will that just make his dick panic worse? —Fragile Ego Males
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ASo . . . you go to bed with a guy, he’s at full sail, and then you inform him that you, the lady of the hookup, will be coming first. You instruct him in the art of What I Like & How You Should Do It, and by the time he’s done—by the time he gets you off—that dick has sailed. Or his dick sails are empty. Or something.
Theory One: Lots of straight guys make it into their mid-20s without ever having encountered a sexually assertive woman, FEM. A woman who advocates for herself in the sack, who knows what she likes and isn’t too shy to ask for/insist on it, can come as a shock to a sheltered/indulged/entitled boy’s dicksystems. And while some deeply insecure guys (guys you wouldn’t wanna waste your time and your twat on anyway) may find your assertiveness off-putting (or sail-emptying or dick-limpening or whatever), it may be the case that even the more secure guys you go to bed with (guys you would wanna lavish your time and twattention on) could be thrown by their first encounter with a sexually assertive woman.
QI’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years, and we’ve been living together for one. Several times a day, in passing, he reaches his hand inside my shirt and quickly grabs a boob, and then continues on his way. I could be cooking or studying or brushing my teeth, and he just digs in there out of the blue and doesn’t usually even acknowledge me before or after. In bed, he is very considerate and giving, GGG and all that—no complaints. I’ve tried to bring it up two or three times, but he gets offended, so I drop it. Do I have a right to prefer an offhand kiss on the forehead or something more affectionate and less boob-grabby? Is this typical for LTRs? Am I a selfish prude? —Groped Too Fucking Often
ANothing will boost your dating mojo like getting laid, DIRT, and that won’t happen if you don’t force yourself to take risks and talk to the next PYT—pretty young thing—who catches your eye. And remember: lots of twentysomething and thirtysomething PYTs are poz themselves, DIRT, and lots of negative guys are willing to date poz guys. Putting yourself out there may result in some unpleasant rejection from jerks who are freaked out by your HIV status—but you don’t want to date jerks, right? v
