We just did a live taping of the Savage Lovecast at Seattle’s Neptune Theatre. Audience members submitted more questions—anonymously, on index cards—than we could possibly answer during the Q&A segment of the show. So I’m answering some of the questions we didn’t get to in this week’s column. Here we go:
AYes and no.
ASome fetish/sex clubs allow people to observe on the theory that today’s nervous newbie observer is tomorrow’s confident active player. Other fetish/sex clubs welcome only active players because they don’t want to be overrun by voyeurs, gawkers, or tourists. Most clubs have contact info on their websites, so your best course of action is to e-mail the place you want to attend and ask.
QMy gay husband of five years knew what he was getting when he got into our relationship: a total bottom. Now he wants to find a top to play with, but he also knew that I was not “open to open.” That was the price of admission. Can you tell him to stop annoying me?
AUnless the kinksters at the dungeon she attends are engaged in extremely risky forms of edge play—breath control, asphyxiation, fire play, gun play—her life is not in danger. (Suicide by cop is a thing, suicide by tit clamp is not. So here’s hoping she’s bullshitting you.) But if she somehow managed to find the one public dungeon on earth where tops rely on bottoms to use their safe words to prevent their own deaths during edge play, what your client is doing is unethical and unfair. A top’s consent matters in a BDSM scene, too—and the people she’s playing with consented to top her, not off her. Tell her to knock it off.
