QI’m a 26-year-old straight female. I’m writing because I need to ask someone what to think right now. I just fucked a guy while on holiday in Costa Rica. I thought I was sex-positive and adventurous, so why do I feel so ashamed? I’m dating a boy back in the U.S. whom I absolutely adore, but we’re not necessarily exclusive. The guy was a 22-year-old local—I thought he was so sweet. But he did that bullshit “fuck her and then get her out of bed and drive her home” shit. I told him it wasn’t OK, and he made excuses. I feel so fucking pathetic right now. Is this because I did something stupid? Is this a natural feeling? Or is it a result of some deep psychological self-induced slut shaming? Why would he kick me out like that? Please help me wrap my head around this. —Truly Underestimated Risk in Sexual Tourist Adventure
QNever thought I’d be writing to you for advice, but here goes: I’m a straight guy with a long-term girlfriend who has a choking fetish. She needs to be choked during sex to get off. I’m more of a vanilla kind of dude, but in the spirit of being GGG, I’ve been doing this for her. The thing is, it kind of scares me. I don’t particularly get off on it, and it actually brings out parts of me that I don’t like. More importantly, I’m really scared of hurting her. Recently while on vacation, hotel security was called because our neighbors thought I was assaulting her, as she’s a screamer and likes to struggle during sex. I’m trying to be GGG, but now it feels like every fuck needs to be a rape scene, complete with choking. She doesn’t like it any other way. I don’t want to accidentally hurt her or kill her and wind up in jail, but she’s dismissive when I share my concerns. My friends in the BDSM scene scold me and say that breath play is never OK. Your thoughts? —Throat Harm Really Obsesses This Terrific Lady Entirely
QA girl I worked with introduced me to your podcast a couple of months ago. You must get this e-mail (or variations on it) all the time, but I wanted to say thank you for the Savage Lovecast. It has made me feel a lot more comfortable about some of the things I like to do, consensually, with my loving GGG boy. My girlfriends sometimes turn their noses up at some of the sexual stuff I’ve tried or mentioned being interested in trying. The calls and guest experts on your podcast make me feel so much more normal, and my boyfriend loves that I’ve recently become a lot more open about the things I want to do. I don’t have a question, Dan, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you and the tech-savvy at-risk youth do every week. —Eager Nice Girl Living in Scottish Highlands
