QI’m seeing an amazing guy who I met doing sex work—as in, he was paying me for straight-up sex. It’s not a Pretty Woman situation. He’s my age and not wealthy, and I’m too old for that anyway. We share a lot of geeky interests and have a great connection, and the sex is awesome. When I was seeing him for pay, I would think, “I would totally date this guy.” We transitioned to friends with benefits several months back. Then some “I love yous” were exchanged, and now we are in a monogamous relationship. For context, I did independent escorting for about six months while I was in school. (I played up the nerdy grad student angle, and that was crazy successful.) I keep thinking that there must be something “wrong” with the way we met, but maybe that’s internalized attitudes toward sex work? Can this work? Everything about our relationship feels positive, but sometimes I think, “Really? Dating your john?” Maybe I just need your OK to feel better. —Dating My John
So instead of worrying that you met your boyfriend working, DMJ, Siouxsie suggests that you focus on what’s working about your boyfriend. “It sounds like this guy meets all the criteria for dating a sex worker. He’s not creepy, he’s not trying to ‘save’ you from your work, you have a great connection and great sex,” says Siouxsie. “There is no ‘normal’ relationship or ‘right’ circumstance to meet someone. But when everything feels right and the only thing holding you back is this idea that ‘this could never work,’ you would be foolish not to give it a shot.”
ASome people will dirty-talk about shit they wanna experience IRL*, ATKS**, and some people will dirty-talk about shit they never wanna experience IRL. But the only person who knows if your boyfriend wants to do this shit IRL is your boyfriend—and he’s not telling, and you’re so worried that he’ll think you actually wanna fuck his friends that you’re not asking. And you don’t wanna fuck his friends . . . but you would fuck his friends . . . but only if he wanted you to fuck his friends.
- In real life.
