QI’m gay and a junior in high school, and I’ve had a boyfriend for a year. (He’s one year older than me, Dan, so relax!) We are out to our parents and everyone is supportive. We are not bullied or suicidal or using drugs. But we are frustrated! We had sex education in our schools, but they didn’t cover gay sex. (Big surprise!) I tried to talk to my mom about gay sex, and all she said was “please use condoms.” We tried using condoms, but I think we must be doing something wrong because we can’t do it. We are ready to start having real gay sex—with me on the bottom, at least for now—and we’re frustrated and feel like failures as gay men. Any advice? P.S. Do we really need to use condoms? We are both virgins and each other’s first boyfriend. —Tell Us Something Helpful
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First, experiment on your own. Use fingers and toys and lots of lube. I recommend that you get your hands on a butt plug, get your ass on that butt plug, and get yourself off with that butt plug in your ass. Exploring anal penetration solo will allow you to experience anal pleasure without any pressure or expectations, TUSH. You can really take your time and you won’t feel like you’re disappointing your boyfriend if you have to bail.
Your boyfriend should do the same. I don’t care if your boyfriend is a top—or thinks he is, or is topping because you want to bottom. Your boyfriend will be a better top if he knows what it feels like to be penetrated and enjoys penetration himself.
P.S. You don’t have to use condoms, but you should. Using condoms is a good habit to get into, TUSH, and if you have any concerns about cleanliness, well, a condom is your best friend. There are lots of gay guys out there—including guys as young as you—who got infected with HIV by boyfriends, including first boyfriends, who lied or didn’t know or fucked up. So listen to your mother and use condoms, TUSH, along with a water-based lubricant.
That said, ASS, desensitizing anal wipes play on common fears and misconceptions about anal sex—namely, that anal sex is supposed to hurt. Anal done right isn’t painful, of course, even if it takes time, practice, and some patience to get used to. Some people do experience discomfort when they first attempt anal, but discomfort isn’t pain. It’s important for people to understand that if anal sex hurts, they’re doing it wrong—not enough lube, not enough foreplay, not enough practice—and they need to stop. Desensitizing wipes send the opposite message.
