QI am a young gay man who has been so freaked out by the idea of catching an STI that I haven’t gotten with anyone for two years. But last night, I hooked up with a cute 21-year-old trans boy, and maybe because it was a person with lady parts, I let caution go, and no condom was used. How worried should I be about having made a baby with a person who is way too young to have one? —Cautious Homo in Loopy Dilemma
Go and get tested, CHILD, and while you wait for your results, ponder this: health workers and HIV-prevention educators tell me that the more freaked out someone is by the idea of catching an STI—the more paralyzed by fear someone is—the likelier that person is to have unprotected sex when they do have sex. Your recent experience is common enough to be a depressing cliche. So working to conquer your irrational fear of STIs—and actually having sex once in a while—will leave you less likely to contract one.
QI’m a 19-year-old gay guy in a relationship with an 18-year-old gay guy (for nearly four years). My boyfriend and I have a good sex life, but I rarely get to top him. We’re both versatile on paper, but the actual act of getting penetrated is almost always painful or uncomfortable for my boyfriend, even with plenty of lubrication and preparation. I’m frustrated because I know it’s not his fault, but I sometimes feel that he isn’t putting in enough effort to try to bottom for me. Additionally, it’s hard for me to understand how he feels because bottoming is never painful for me, and I enjoy it a lot. We’ve discussed the possibility of me topping another guy (alone or in a threesome), and he isn’t opposed to the idea, but I’d much rather it be him. Is there any way we can make bottoming pleasurable for him? —Ready to Top
