QTwenty-one-year-old female here. When we were both 14, my first boyfriend took advantage of me. I wanted to explore my sexuality a little, but things went further than I wanted. One day, we were kissing with him on top of me. We were both fully clothed, and he started rubbing up against me. I didn’t realize he was dry humping me until after he had to leave to clean himself up. He never asked for my permission. Once I understood what had happened, I felt violated. He’d also groped my boobs on another occasion without asking. He broke up with me a couple months later. I haven’t spoken to him in seven years.
While it’s possible your ex-boyfriend did this on purpose—he knew you wouldn’t agree to it, he went ahead and did it anyway, you feel violated because you were violated—it’s also possible that this was an accident. I’m not excusing his behavior, particularly the nonconsensual boob groping, but as a former 14-year-old boy myself, WSN, I feel obligated to toss this out there: very few boys have achieved complete mastery over their dicks by age 14. Sometimes those things go off when we do not want them to. And accidentally blowing a load in your pants during a hot and heavy make-out session is an experience that most boys find deeply humiliating.
So what is the problem? I can’t bring myself to ask her for two things that are more than bucket-list issues to me. I am a closet cross-dresser. I want to make love to her in stockings and a teddy. I made this request to my ex, and it resulted in humiliation. She even shared it with my son out of spite. And I want us to try water sports. When this came up during marriage counseling with my first wife, the counselor blew up at me and accused me of degrading my marriage.
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