Upon its release, it was immediately damned by critics as “The Worst Commercial Ever Made.” It was broadcast only once—all three minutes and 35 seconds of it—on October 7, 1979, during an episode of Vega$. It bankrupted the carpet outlet store that paid to have it made. People, property, and kittens were injured during its production. Careers were ruined; lunches were uneaten .
Until now.
Indeed, “Algonquin Roundtable Superstore” is unquestionably a masterpiece—a dizzyingly mesmerizing tour de force in which a commercial beginning with the spinning shimmers of a disco ball concludes with astronauts on the moon playing backgammon on a round table, with the vast scope of Western civilization seamlessly woven in between—from the Last Supper to the Continental Congress, from King Arthur to Douglas MacArthur, the Parthenon to Machu Picchu. Round tables feature prominently throughout these historical mini-tours of the epochs. Lavish costuming and vibrant color leave the consumer on the brink of ecstatic reverie, and when these stunning visuals are paired with the disco-throbbing jingle sung by Mandy Ripperton (the cousin of Minnie Ripperton, best known for performing the 70s classic “Loving You”), the 30-second experience leaves one seized with longing to be a part of our world’s past, present, and future by simply finding the nearest round table and sitting near it.
Franklin L. Chuckberry passed away in 1999, but his son Bruce recalls his father’s reaction to the Algonquin Round Table commercial.
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“Everytime it’s on, he turns to me and says, ‘Now that’s a commercial!,’ and I thought the whole thing was kinda nuts the way the colors spun in circles like it was a disco or a psychedelic acid rock band, and besides that—what did the Last Supper have to do with round tables, or Algonquin? If you’ve ever been there, it’s not exactly a spiritual retreat. But I’m just a kid in Garanimals back then, so what did I know?
“I’m sippin’ on my shake while they’re talkin’ turkey about the commercial, and I’m too young to follow along what they’re sayin’, but I do remember Parsonson showin’ up 45 minutes late, and as we’re about to go up to pay our check, in he walks in, and the moment he walks in, you know it can’t be anybody but A.P. Parsonson, because he’s short and a little squat, but he’s got this all-white suit on like he’s a Bee Gee or somethin’, one of those brown nicely manicured beards like a Kenny Loggins kinda look about him, but what gets me is that he’s also wearing a beret that’s in cheetah print, and the first thing he says to my dad—this I do remember—is that the cheetah is his spirit animal and he wore this specifically for this occasion.
Parsonson has said next to nothing (and refused to be interviewed for this) about the creation, production, and filming that went into “Lincoln Carpets,” but many in the cast and crew are willing to share their insights.
