QI was wondering what you think about the Folsom Street Fair, the annual gay leather/fetish/BDSM street fair in San Francisco. Do you think it is still a socially relevant display? Or do you think that in this time when we are fighting for civil rights and equality that it does more harm than good? —Better Displaying San Francisco
Straight people, of course, aren’t fighting for their fundamental civil rights. Kinky straights can marry in all 50 states, after all, and no one is pledging to kick kinky straights out of the armed forces or to write anti-kinky-straight bigotry into the U.S. Constitution. So maybe it’s not the same—maybe it’s not as politically risky—when straight people come out in bondage gear, leather chaps, and pony masks. But straight people are a big part of Folsom, too.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that cities with big pride parades and events like Folsom are more tolerant and more accepting of sexual minorities than cities that don’t have big gay parades and fetish street fairs. If an event like Folsom were actually counterproductive, BDSF, you would expect San Francisco to be less tolerant and less likely to back equal rights for sexual minorities, not more likely.
QYes, Dan, there are still plenty of straight guys out there who are put off by women who go “too fast,” and oral sex on the first date is typically perceived as too fast. It’s part of a misogynist mind-set, IMHO, that says women who are too sexually assertive are not “relationship material.” Or maybe it’s some ancient male fear of the insatiable nympho who will drain his male power by overwhelming him sexually. Or, more generously, maybe these men think going too fast just speaks to poor judgment (although straight men rarely apply that logic to themselves). Whatever the cause, I’ve experienced it myself, and I found the solution to be to date more sex-positive feminist men who take responsibility for their half of the pacing. I’ve found that feminist men actually appreciate women who are sexually assertive while many nonfeminist men are happy to accept the attentions of sexually assertive women while at the same time harboring contempt for us. —The Happy Whore
