Q I’m a gay man in my late 20s who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young boys since I hit puberty. I know that what I feel is wrong and wish to Christ that I could have a normally wired brain. I have never abused a child; I do not look at child pornography. But I need to speak to a therapist because I can’t get through this on my own. Bottom line is I’m afraid. Seriously afraid. I don’t know what my legal rights are and I don’t know how to go about getting more information without incriminating myself. I’m sure there are more people than just me who need to talk about this. My problem is that I’m not financially stable enough to afford seeing someone for more than a few sessions. I just can’t keep saying I’m fine, and I can’t let healthy relationships fall apart because I’m unable to talk to anyone about my problem. —Can’t Wish It Away
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But accessing the support you need to get through the next six or seven decades of life without sexually abusing a child—support the culture should provide to men and women like you in order to protect children—isn’t going to be easy, Dr. Cantor said, particularly if you live in the United States.
But Canada funds these programs only for people who’ve committed a sexual offense. The Circles program isn’t open to “gold-star pedophiles,” my term for men and women who have successfully struggled against their attraction to children without any support or credit. (Yes, credit. Someone who is burdened with an attraction to children—no one chooses to be sexually attracted to children—and successfully battled that attraction all of his adult life deserves credit for his strength, self-control, and moral sense.)
So long as there is no specific child in specific danger—so long as you don’t have children (please don’t), CWIA, and don’t work with children (please don’t)—your therapist is required to keep whatever information you share confidential.
Q I’m a happy fiftysomething straight female sub in a D/s relationship. My dom is my boyfriend; we present as a regular couple. We decided to take a break for several months because of some trust issues. We are now back together. While we were on our break, my adult daughter from my first marriage told me that she was happy we split up because she viewed his behavior toward me as abusive. She based this on my generally deferring to his wishes. In other words, I was behaving as his sub. She believes that I am a brainwashed abused woman who cannot break free of her abuser. She won’t have anything to do with him, believing that he’s not a good man. If I want to see her and the grandkids, I visit alone. There is no way I am going to tell her that we are D/s, because my private life is none of her business. Also, I don’t think that picturing Grandma getting spanked with a leather belt is an image she would want seared in her brain. What can I say to her to reassure her that I am happy and not being abused? —Only Kinky
A Thanks for sharing, WOW.
