Everything gets just a little darker around 3 AM. Late-night spots like the Continental in Humboldt Park start to spill over with patrons eager to eke out an hour or two more of party before heading to a hangover. Plane-going-down makeouts, witching-hour pickup attempts, and shots upon shots help create the perfect storm of wrong. And who has a better view of the depravity than those slinging the drinks and spinning the records? We were priviledged to take a (supposedly) sober glimpse at the boozy mess through the eyes of Sean Patrick Riley, a Continental bartender who works the 4 AM shift on Fridays, and Kevin Kujawa, a Continental DJ and vocalist/guitarist in Mannequin Men. —Kevin Warwick
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What’s the worst pickup attempt you’ve seen? There was this guy who came in with like Eye of the Tiger—”I am going to bed someone tonight.” But his tactic was obviously horrible because he kept failing miserably but he kept going. He hit on every girl in the bar. After he hit on a girl and got rejected, he’d have a drink. So the next time he’d be a little more drunk, maybe a little loose, got to hang out a little longer, and then—done. Rejected. A couple hours later, he was so fucking blacked out and still trying to do this, and it was just gibberish. He’d just walk up to a girl and lean into her and be like, “Hey. Hi. Hey, what’s your name.” Finally I had to kick him out.
It would be sad if the girl actually fell for it. Totally. I’ve seen that kind of stuff too, but normally she’s just waiting and might as well have a fucking bull’s-eye on her, like, “Please come talk to me.” When there’s someone looking for something like that, all the dudes smell it. It’s like blood in the water. I’m serious. There are swarms.
Next: Kevin Kujawa deals with “a bunch of Val-Kilmers-as-Jim-Morrison”
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