QWhat is your stance on maintenance sex? I’d never thought about the issue until reading Amy Poehler’s new memoir. I didn’t find anything she said controversial, and was surprised when this quote blew up in the feminist blogosphere: “You have to have sex with your husband occasionally, even though you’re exhausted. Sorry.” I’d never realized many people firmly believe one should have sex with one’s partner only when in the mood! Some articles even made it sound like maintenance sex is a form of nonconsensual sex. I have sex with my husband pretty often when I’m not in the mood. He would prefer sex every day, and I’m more of an every-other-day or twice-a-week girl.
Another important note: Being pro maintenance sex doesn’t obligate a person to have sex whenever his or her partner wants it. Proponents and practitioners of maintenance sex still get to say no. There’s a difference between indulging your partner when you’re not feeling it —when you could take it or leave it—and forcing yourself to have sex (or being guilted/pressured/forced) when you’re too exhausted, too sick, or too angry for sex.
Since you’re not interested in prepubescents, SNIFF, I don’t think you’re a pervert in the Chester the Molester mold. But a case could be made that your actions have a whiff of the nonconsensual about them—your coworkers would most likely object to how you’re reusing and recycling their abandoned underpants—and you should probably knock it off. There are plenty of guys selling their used underwear and jocks online, and if you work at a place with a private gym, SNIFF, you can presumably afford to buy a few pairs.
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