QI’ve been confused about my sexuality for two years. I am a 22-year-old female. I liked guys when I was in school, but then, in perhaps the most stereotypical of fashions, I developed a huge crush on Tegan and Sara when I was nearly 20. I like the idea of being with women, but I have never had a major crush on anyone since. So I’m really confused over what my sexual orientation actually is. I know many hetero-identifying people experience same-sex crushes, but can someone’s whole sexual orientation just change overnight? My confusion is compounded by the fact that I’ve never even held someone’s hand, been kissed, or done anything else. I really want to experience such things, have an awesome relationship, and generally just stop feeling like a complete loser. Any help appreciated! —Awfully Nervous Over Newness
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Like you, ANON, Tegan used to assume she was straight.
“I’d gone most of my teens crushing on guys like Jared Leto, thinking that must make me straight,” says Tegan. “Even though secretly I was dreaming of make-outs with Claire Danes. I thought my crush on Jared Leto vetoed my secret girl crush on Claire Danes. Maybe that was society weighing down on me. Perhaps it was peer pressure keeping me inside the lines of heterosexuality. Or, likely, I just liked them both.”
QI’m a twentysomething professional snowboarder. I have a problem that I don’t really have anybody to talk to about. When I jerk it, I have to put a finger in my asshole to finish. Plain and simple, that’s the only way I can come. I’ve tried to learn to come without the finger, but I can never reach climax. I can’t even come in a girl’s pussy without sneaking a finger in my back door. I go to great lengths to hide it—push her head in a pillow, etc—because I don’t want them to think I’m gay. (I have no problem with other people being gay, just FYI. It’s just that you do not want snowboard groupies thinking you’re gay. Girls talk, and then you never get laid again and all of your bros find out you’re sticking things up your butt.) This letter is actually time sensitive. I’m pretty distraught that last night one of my regular chicks saw me do it! Today she won’t return my texts. I want to convince her I was scratching an itch or something. I’m worried it might already be out there that I’m “gay.” How do I learn to come without prostate stimulation? —Butt-Using Manly Man Entirely Distressed
A few practical suggestions: Get a butt plug. It’s a butt toy that your sphincter muscles hold in place—picture a small lava lamp that fits in your ass—and once you get it in, BUMMED, it won’t slip out. Provided your groupiefriends aren’t touching your asshole or looking directly at it, they won’t even know it’s there. And a butt plug might help you break the strong mental association you’ve made between finger-in-hole and climaxing. A few dozen look-ma-no-finger-in-hole orgasms, courtesy of a butt plug, might help you transition to look-ma-nothing-in-my-hole orgasms.
