QI’m a 17-year-old girl and, in most aspects, I’m confident with myself, my identity, and my body. Earlier this year, I met a girl. She had some serious drama at home and needed to get out of her house, so I let her stay at mine. Things went a lot further than I was ready for. I had just had my first kiss the month before and I didn’t feel like our relationship was ready for sex, but I went along with it because she never gave me a chance to slow things down or say no.
And you failed to do that, GOY—you failed to advocate for yourself in the moment.
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I don’t say that to make you feel bad or to shift the blame onto your shoulders, GOY, I say it because we’ve all been there. Most confident, sexually active adults can point to an early experience that went too far, too fast, a sexual encounter that left us feeling the way you did after you had sex with this girl. And it’s possible to walk away from an experience like that—one that left you feeling shitty and powerless—feeling empowered to advocate for yourself in uncomfortable sexual situations in the future, GOY, provided you learn the right lesson.
Some of the texts that “Dave” has sent me were sexual in nature. He lives very close to where I do. I am a virgin—both genders considered—and the idea of sex right now makes me uneasy. But I am interested. Still, sex scares me at this point, and I don’t think I’m ready. As such, this afternoon, I told Dave that I felt we were moving too fast. He agreed.
A1. Openly, honestly, directly, and without hesitation.
But he might be up for a friendship. Lots of sexually active people are. So ask.
