QI am a 28-year-old woman and have been with my boyfriend for two years. I would call it a stable, fulfilling, and kinky relationship. I consider myself GGG, and every time my boyfriend has brought up a kink or variation, I’ve been willing to try it. Some things became a permanent part of our play, others have gone into the “tried that, didn’t like it” pile without any problems. Recently, though, there has been a problem.
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I don’t think I can do this without it sending me into flashbacks. I told him that and, as this is the only time I have flat-out refused to even try one of his ideas, I hoped that would be the end of it. It hasn’t been. He has been pressing it more and more, and there have been times when I’ve had to leave the apartment, I’ve felt so threatened. I’ve told him that if he keeps pressuring me like this, I will end the relationship. He’s told me that by threatening to leave him, I’m manipulating him, and that I have no regard for his needs. But I just can’t let him rape me, even in play. Am I really being out of line for not giving in to him on this issue and telling him that continued pressure for this would end our relationship? —Needs Her Boundaries
You did all the right things after you were raped, NHB. You got counseling, you got yourself together, and you entered this relationship ready to be sexual and more than capable of meeting your partner’s reasonable sexual needs. You are, however, suffering from some common aftereffects of sexual trauma—nightmares, flashbacks—that you do not have to apologize for and that he needs to be considerate of.
QI’m a 17-year-old high-school student, male, into foot worship and humiliation. I’m having problems separating my desire to be humiliated sexually from a willingness to be humiliated socially. A girl is using me as her “fallback.” I like “Nancy” a lot more than she likes me. I was in a relationship with another girl, and that’s when Nancy told me she loved me. So I broke up with my girlfriend, but now Nancy is unwilling to date me. I think she just enjoys having control over me. Nancy is also the only girl I get to indulge my foot fantasies with. The problem is, this gives me the thrill of humiliation, but it means I’m not getting off, yet I’m too turned on to help myself. —Anonymous Foot Slave
AYour aunt can use your husband’s status as a trans man as a club—a beat-you-with club, not a golf-and-cocktails club—only so long as you’re not being fully truthful about it, which is sometimes referred to as being “closeted.” Your only choice now is to get out in front of this, FTM. Tell your parents, tell your extended family—tell them now (perhaps in a letter), tell them why you didn’t tell them then (not relevant, none of their business), and tell them why you’re telling them now (aunt so-and-so is a ripe, royal cunt).
