Q About a month ago, I got drunk and slept with my friend’s girlfriend. (He’s not my best friend, more of a second-tier friend.) We both swore never to tell anyone and left it at that. Only problem is, we’ve been hanging out a lot lately and sending private messages to each other multiple times a day, but nothing physical. It’s progressed to the point that our mutual friends are starting to notice that there’s something going on between the lady and me. And frankly, if someone I was dating were doing what she’s doing, I’d consider it cheating.
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Everything is interconnected in the most fucked-up ways possible. I’m wondering if there’s any way out of this with the desired result for everyone: the lady and I together, friends understanding of the situation, and her boyfriend not totally destroyed. I still like her boyfriend as a friend and a guy, and I don’t want to crush him with a prewinter breakup (it gets real lonely here in the winter). —Fucked in Madison
Let’s not overestimate your importance in the little lady’s drama, FIM. I’m sure you’re a lovely person, you’re a great fuck, and that you look good in the shower, etc, but you are only evidence that her relationship isn’t long for this world, FIM, not the reason it isn’t. This breakup was in the cards before you and that fateful drunken night. Your appearance on the scene may have given her an incentive to end a relationship that needed to end—and end it sooner rather than later—but the relationship was doomed before you drunkenly banged the lady.
Sorry, TWAT: since your boyfriend has already told you that he’s not comfortable with your having a threesome, there’s no way to justify making an engagement present of yourself without informing him in advance. And let’s be honest, shall we? Your reluctance to inform the boyfriend isn’t about a selfless desire to spare his feelings, but your cowardly desire to avoid an awkward conversation and—if he balks at this—a potentially relationship-ending conversation.
But the relevant question, DREW, isn’t “How gay is this ass-fucking experiment?” but “What’s going through my mind during this ass-fucking experiment?”
