I’m having a problem. Twice when my girlfriend has given me oral sex, I’ve come in her mouth and then a little urine came out. She’s understandably mad. The first time it happened was in the morning when I had wood, so I thought it was just me being full of piss, but the second time was when I wasn’t full of piss. I just came a lot and she kept sucking and a little bit of urine came out. Her technique involves a lot of sucking, so could she be creating some vacuum pressure? Or is there just something wrong with me? –Pissing by Accident
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“Researchers believe,” reports New Scientist, “[that] oral sex may transmit human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus implicated in the majority of cervical cancers.” The virus then lodges in the throat, where it can cause cancer. Study subjects infected with HPV were 32 times more likely to develop throat cancer; folks who tested positive for one highly aggressive strain of the virus, HPV-16, were 58 times more likely to develop throat cancer. By contrast, smoking, previously believed to be the culprit behind most throat cancers, only triples a person’s risk. (Hey, there’s a new slogan for the tobacco industry: “Smoke cigs, not pole.”)
But before we panic–and it’s just one study, after all–let’s put throat cancer in perspective. Despite the fact that nearly all Americans engage in oral sex, throat cancer accounts for a tiny percentage of the roughly 1.5 million cases of cancer diagnosed every year. According to a 2007 report released by the American Cancer Society, we’ll see 35,000 cases of oral cancer this year–that’s tongue, mouth, pharynx, and “other oral cavity.” That compares to 271,000 cases of digestive-system cancers, 229,000 cases of respiratory cancers, 219,000 cases of prostate cancer, and 180,500 cases of breast cancer.
Here’s the headline from my morning paper: “HPV Factors in Throat Cancer: Study Could Shift Debate About Vaccine.” You bet it could. The debate could shift–will shift, already has shifted–because it’s no longer “just” the lives of 4,000 American women that are on the line, but the sex lives of 150 million American men.
My advice to you: keep your fool mouth shut.
