QI’m a 33-year-old man, married eight years and mostly happy. My problem seems common: my wife has lost interest in sex. We have sex once every two months, maybe once a month if I’m lucky. When we do have sex, it seems to be good for both of us. It wasn’t always this way—we used to have great chemistry and were both GGG in better days.
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I don’t know what to do. I could try more communication, possibly even try to get us into counseling, but I wonder if that’s fair. The situation doesn’t seem to be a problem for her and every time we talk about it I feel like I’m hurting her feelings. I could also just give up and try to find ways to meet my needs elsewhere. But the thought of potentially hurting her or even losing her as a result is unbearable. I’ve also wondered if a change of medication could help—I know loss of sexual appetite can be a side effect of the birth-control medication my wife takes. —Ready to Pop
Second, RTP, yes to everything: Yes to a new form of birth control (perhaps you could get a vasectomy). Yes to packing your asses off to counseling (find a counselor who doesn’t believe that the husband is always at fault). And yes to more open and honest communication. A few more yeses: Yes to getting the wife’s hormones checked (how are her testosterone levels?). Yes to looking at depression as a possible underlying cause (and good luck eliminating depression if it is). And yes to the occasional visit to a strip club (just as a matter of principle).
ASeeing as how something as trivial as an ill-considered comment or an unexpected facial can do irreparable harm to a relationship, DIMAM, it stands to reason that something as major as a declined marriage proposal can do lasting harm.
“I believe that the judgment of God is a very real thing,” said the Reverend John Hagee, John McCain’s ex-BFF, when asked about Hurricane Katrina, which struck New Orleans just before a “massive homosexual rally”—aka an annual street party called Southern Decadence—was supposed to take place in the French Quarter. “I believe that the Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment. And I believe that Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans.”
