QI am a 28-year-old straight girl two years into my first marriage. New job, new home, and new city 1,200 miles from my closest friends. It was really lonely at first, not knowing anyone nearby. Plus, Hubby is far less social than I am, and has not gone out of his way to help us make any friends to hang out with. He’s happiest at home on the couch, in front of a good movie, which is how we spend a lot of our time.
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Hubby is not happy. He feels threatened by Elaine’s lesbianness and equates it to me hanging out with a single, straight guy. I did have a couple of straight-but-drunk escapades with women WAY back in college (Hubby knows), but I am not gay, not interested, and NOT A CHEATER. Plus, I am simply not Elaine’s type. She has never once come on to me, nor has she said/done anything that hinted at an other-than-friendly relationship. How can I convince Hubby that my friendship with Elaine is platonic and nonthreatening? And keep him from pouting and griping every time I mention her name? She’s the only friend I have. —Sick of Being Home Alone
Here’s how you set your husband at ease about Elaine: Keep doing what you’re doing—all of you. You get to hang out with Elaine, which is within your rights (married people are allowed to have friends and nights out); he gets to grumble about it, which is within his rights (married people are allowed to have feelings and insecurities). Only the passage of time—along with regularly offered reassurances, your acquisition of other friends, and Elaine’s eventual acquisition of a new girlfriend—will convince your husband that Elaine’s intentions toward you are merely friendly, and that you’re not itching to eat pussy for old times’ sake.
If he apologizes and promises to make amends (and pick up some rope), you can keep seeing him. If he blows up again, SKL, DTMFA.
QDan! Everyone has an opinion, but you’re the one with the advice column. So stop printing goddamn response letters from readers every other week. —Quit It Already
