QI’m 19, female, bisexual, and have been with the same guy for a year and things are great. I came home for Christmas and he went to his parents’ house, and I’ll see him in a few weeks. For Christmas, my mom got me some typical “mom” gifts—socks and underwear—but the panties had Disney princesses on them. I feel like a pedophile just owning them! I get it: she doesn’t like the idea that I might be having sex, especially with the alarming rate that babies are popping out of teenage girls—but come on. —Holiday Blues
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As for feeling like a pedophile, HB, there’s nothing pedo about a 19-year-old bi chick in Disney princess underpants. A little girl in those panties is innocent and darling. A sexually active 19-year-old in those panties is ironic and daring. (A quick poll of straight men—or man, as the sample size was small—also revealed that 100 percent consider 19-year-old bisexual girls in Disney panties “sexy as fucking hell.”) So when your boyfriend eats your pussy through a pair of your new Disney underpants—when he filters your vaginal secretions through an image of Jasmine or Ariel or Belle—he will not only be helping you assert your right to sexual fulfillment despite your mother’s disapproval, HB, but helping you deconstruct a patriarchal heteronormative discourse that reifies female purity and holds up female undergarments as moral status markers. And when he services your clit, HB, the boyfriend will also be servicing those princesses. His efforts will transform them into the fully sexual beings their corporate creators never intended them to be.
QI realize Savage Love is a sex-advice column (as evidenced by much vulgar language), but I’m going to ask anyway.
(2) You know you’re in love when you’re eating breakfast in a restaurant together the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you suddenly realize that you didn’t wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and you don’t care.
If you are still reading this, then you have my sincere appreciation. All I seek is your blunt, objective opinion, however harsh it may be. —Long Insecure Man Pensive
