I’m a 22-year-old male from Canada in a long-term relationship. The sex is fantastic, we’ve always been GGG, and our bedroom habits include talking dirty and light bondage, which she loves. However, my girlfriend sometimes complains that I “degrade” her in the bedroom, and she thinks that this is representative of a larger lack of respect for her. I’m very respectful outside the bedroom: I buy her flowers, I write to her when she’s away, and I make sure to treat her friends well. But she constantly accuses me of infidelity despite the fact that I am and have always been completely faithful. How do I prove to my girlfriend that she’s important to me and get her to chill out?–Constantly Being Evaluated
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You really only have two options, CBE. You can dump her now or you can call her on her bullshit by saying something like this: “Look, if the kinky sex makes you doubt my feelings for you, let’s not have kinky sex anymore. And if my flowers, notes, fidelity, and respect–to say nothing of the way I treat your friends–lead you to believe that I’m cheating on you, honey, then I’m prepared to stop buying you flowers, stop writing you notes, start sleeping with other people, start ignoring your friends, and generally treat you like shit. Is it a deal?”
Yes I do, DS. Women who open up about rape fantasies–with their partners, in letters to skeezy sex-advice columnists–are always quick to include a qualifier along the lines of “This is just a fantasy,” making it clear to all that they are not interested in actually being raped. Well, just as a woman can have rape fantasies without wanting to be the victim of an actual rape, a man can have rapist fantasies without wanting to commit an actual rape. And really, DS, where would ladies with rape-victim fantasies be without men with rape-perp fantasies?
I’m not suggesting that you drop your current friends, TYFNSL, but you might need to look outside your present social circle for sex partners. If those attractive, flirtatious, and available pals of yours were aware of the rape after it happened and were your support system during your two-year recovery, it may be difficult for them to see you as something other than a victim. Look elsewhere for sex partners and you may have more luck.
Oh, and thanks for the pics. Obviously they worked.
