QI’m a 34-year-old straight woman living with a 32-year-old straight man. His daughter is two, and I am the only mother she has ever known. (Her real mother is a crack whore somewhere.) My boyfriend tells me he loves me, but it doesn’t feel like he wants to spend any time with me. I pay the rent and am the only person in our household with a full-time job. When I get home, I want to relax. He wants to go out because he has been sitting at home all day. If he hasn’t been at home, he has been running around with his friends. This pisses me off, and I am not afraid to tell him so. His response? “You’re just jealous because you have to work!” Damn right I’m jealous! Also, I do all the cooking and don’t get any help with cleanup or housework.
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AHere’s one occupational hazard of the advice-column bidness: If you’re not careful, if you’re not constantly on your guard, you can fill your column with letters like BATW’s. Your column fills up with letters from people asking, in essence, “DTMFA?” and you’re forced to respond, “Yes, for fuck’s sake, DTMFA.” (For those of you just tuning in: DTMFA stands for “dump the motherfucker already.”) You may be helping people, sure, but your column quickly becomes a tedious slog, people stop reading, and then you have to get a real job at an auto plant or a hedge fund or a daily newspaper.
For instance: A new study out from the Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center found that “anal sex is on the rise” among straight teenagers and young adults. According to a heavy-breathing report from ABC News, straight kids are having butt sex “to please a partner, to have sex without the risk of pregnancy, or to preserve their virginity.”
PS: She’s only ever physically affectionate after I’ve spent money on her.
AYou’ve been reading my column since you were 13, WAS, and you don’t know what to do? DTMFA—right fucking now, this fucking minute, without fucking delay. Choking and hair pulling is physical abuse; telling you that you “deserve it” is emotional abuse. And those raised fists—not very ladylike of him, I must say—are a prologue to more extreme acts of abuse. DTMFA. You deserve better, and he—well, he deserves to be pegged by a predator drone.
