I have some concerns about my cuckold fetish that you didn’t address in a recent column on the subject. I am white, and all of my cuckold fantasies involve my future wife having sex with well-endowed black men. While this turns me on a great deal, part of me feels guilty. My fantasy is horribly objectifying and racist, is it not? It requires treating another human being like a piece of meat. But the rational part of me, the part that tells me these fantasies are improper, is no match for my inner urges. I can’t seem to stop fantasizing about this. In all other aspects of my life I consider myself to be quite progressive.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
For centuries, white men–not all white men, mind you, but enough that white men should be embarrassed for all time–have obsessed about the supposed sexual superiority of black men. Whitey fear big black dick, rampaging Mandingos, white women coming down with jungle fever and getting their chifforobes busted up, etc. These fears inspire feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and paranoia–and white men have often compensated for these fears with acts of violence. Not for nothing was castration the first order of business at many a lynching.
But guess what? When given a choice between being lynched and being offered a white man’s woman, CUCK, ten out of ten black men surveyed prefer the latter. That the same racist stereotypes that still inspire some white men to violence, pathetically enough, also inspire racially tinged cuckold fantasies in others has to be regarded as progress. Well, maybe not progress per se, but until we stamp out racism once and for all (let’s all hold our breath, shall we?), better cuckold fantasies, acted on or not, than brutal, cold-blooded killings.
- It makes her happy.
For some folks, KPOOL, sex is about love and pleasure and possession–and there’s nothing necessarily unhealthy about the desire to possess someone. We should all understand, of course, that we can never truly possess another person, but we shouldn’t feel guilty when our hearts or genitals feel differently. Human beings should be rational (“I know I don’t own you”) about the irrational feelings love inspires (“I own your ass!”). It’s not a crime when some folks eroticize those possessive feelings, like cuckolds (yes, the term is insulting–that’s part of the turn-on), or toy with them, like anyone who’s ever gotten a thrill watching his or her partner flirt with someone else.
You assume that your husband is highly monogamous, WCH, because he’s never told you otherwise. What if he’s assuming the same about you because you’ve never told him otherwise?
