Q The two things that I dig most on a woman are a nice big pair of . . . swim fins. Some of my earliest sexual fantasies revolve around Jacqueline Bisset in The Deep. It’s frustrating to have such a bizarre fetish. There is a small subculture devoted to scuba fetishism on the Internet, but it’s a total sausage/snorkel fest. One day I’m heading somewhere tropical like Hawaii, where I hope to meet scuba divas. Until then, what do you suggest? Give up my fetish and embrace vanilla? Or redouble my efforts to find one of the maybe half-dozen women in the world into this? —Fin Fun Fan
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The odds that you will one day meet one of the very few women out there who share your fetish are slim, FFF. But let’s say you manage to track one down. What are the odds you’ll be attracted to her physically and emotionally? Slim and slimmer. Your best bet is to date women you find attractive, demonstrate that you’re a decent and loving guy who can enjoy vanilla sex, and then roll out your fetish.
Q I’m a straight 22-year-old male who identifies as a cross-dresser. I enjoy it, and I’m OK with myself. But my ex-girlfriend revealed to me that it made her feel like less of a woman and said that I was doing the female version of emasculation to her (ask.com says the word is femasculation). How can I work through this with my ex so we can get back together? —Bashfully Oblivious Ovary Buster
A Paradoxically, RAGE, going down on a shemale escort shores up your heterosexual bona fides. Gay guys don’t frequent and/or fellate shemale escorts (on purpose or by accident); getting with shemales is an entirely straight-male pursuit. So you can go right on identifying as straight. Of course, you aren’t totally straight—try thinking of yourself as something more than straight, not less—but you’re close enough that you can round yourself down to straight with a clear conscience. (Offer void the day you start blowing hemale escorts.)
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