Q You neglect generic guy/girl/girl threesomes. My friends talk about these threesomes all the time, ’cause they’re the “Holy Grail” of sex for us straight guys. Here are some of our questions:
OK, number three is a real question from me. And here’s a follow-up:
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“Threesomes are undoubtedly the new ‘Holy Grail’ of sex,” says Vicki Vantoch, author of The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping With Three (Thunder’s Mouth Press). “Most people have either had a three-way or thought about it. Yes, even women. A recent ABC poll ranked threesomes as the most popular fantasy in America.” (Outside of America, of course, the most popular fantasy begins with at least one engine falling off of Air Force One.)
“If SHAG’s girlfriend is game,” says Vantoch, “he has to recruit a third. He can meet tri-curious women just about everywhere. (One couple I interviewed gets it on with their kid’s kindergarten teacher.) But until he masters the three-way pickup, SHAG might want to try some of the easier meeting spots: Internet personals—including alternative lifestyle personals (lifestylelounge.com)—polyamory events/personals (polymatchmaker.com), or erotic parties.”
Q My boyfriend and I found a guy who is bi like us and have played with him a couple of times. But now, when we’re all hanging out and things start to move in a threesome direction, he makes an excuse and leaves. How do we get back to the hot threesomes? —Wants Hot Action Again
A “Telling your boyfriend he’s not missing out isn’t going to dampen his enthusiasm,” says Vantoch. “Plus, it’s not true—he is missing out on threesomes, which are popular because they’re hot!” Threesomes aren’t for everybody, of course, “but if you really love this guy, it may be worth exploring your threesome-blocking hang-ups. The idea that you can’t share your boyfriend because you love him may be something you can’t get over, but some couples find that having a threesome with someone you love brings you even closer, if you do it consciously.” So what does Vantoch think you should you do? “Tell your boyfriend that you understand his desire to have a threesome, but you need time to figure out if a three-way could work for you. Agree to revisit the discussion in three months—if he stops pushing.”
There’s more advice from Vantoch for the tri-curious at thestranger.com/savage/morethreesomes. And you can learn more about her book, The Threesome Handbook, at threesomehandbook.com.
