QI’m a 31-year-old man and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been in a monogamous relationship for four years. Recently we’ve been doing the long-distance thing, and we’re going to be doing it for a while until I can move from Canada to the United States. This is our problem: She brought up the idea of an open relationship until I get down there. I said OK—trying to be GGG—and 24 hours later called her back and reneged.
Look, kiddo, there’s a difference between being a jealous asshole and being a self-aware sex partner. Asking your girlfriend to remain monogamous until you get your ass down to the U.S.? That’s just stating a sexual preference, if I may repurpose the phrase. A sincere desire to be your girlfriend’s one and only sex partner should not be confused with something as base as jealousy. Jealousy is not trusting your girlfriend when she’s out of your sight, it’s flipping out when other men notice her, it’s making furious and baseless accusations of cheating. Jealousy is controlling/manipulative/abusive behavior masquerading as insecurity. Jealousy is a poison. And you’re not jealous, just monogamous.
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Unfortunately, that relationship has now ended and I find myself not knowing how to deal with the thought of future partners. I’ve never had any symptoms and we were pretty careful (condom use, no sex during his outbreak) once we discovered the issue, but we had been having unprotected sex for about a year before the outbreak and I know that condoms are not 100 percent effective anyway. So here’s the issue: Do I tell future partners in advance that I’ve been exposed and risk scaring them off over a disease I don’t seem to have? I have been having nightmares about having terrible outbreaks and about spreading the infection, but I don’t know if that’s an overactive guilt complex or what.
Bottom line, SSA? You don’t want to date guys who are hysterics about herpes—you don’t need that kind of stress, either—and, averages being what they are, sooner or later you’ll find yourself having the talk with a cool guy who already knows he’s been exposed himself.
And please don’t call ever call it “manpussy,” DT, unless you’re trying to wreck my love life too.
