QAfter six months of marriage—I’m a straight male—the sex had become routine but enjoyable. To remedy this, my wife and I discussed new things we might like to try. We were both being shy, so I said the first thing that came to mind: “Anal?” My wife got quiet and the conversation ended.
Backing up a bit: Straight men who are curious about anal penetration—the penetration of their own anuses—often create elaborate fantasy scenarios in which they’re compelled to submit. Cruel-and-domineering-mistress scenarios, gay-rape scenarios, giving-it-up-to-get-it scenarios. These fantasies, while totally legit (and sometimes terribly hot), are also very revealing. Many straight men, it seems, view anal penetration as a pure power-and-domination trip for the top, and receptive anal sex as a nightmare to be endured.
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And yes, MOWO, there are “homosexual implications” to pegging. (There will also be homosexual exclamations: if she pegs your ass properly, you should be squealing like a gay-pride-float dancer or an Idaho Republican.) But you can explore anal pleasure—your anus, mutual pleasure—without a scary ol’ strap-on. Let her lay a vibrator over your asshole, not stick one in it. Or better yet, go buy a butt plug. A butt plug looks like no dick you’ve ever seen—outside of sci-fi porn, perhaps—and carries far fewer of those dreaded homosexual implications.
“Nothing about responsible nonmonogamy involves a free pass of any sort,” says Taormino. “It’s absolutely possible for you to transform your monogamous relationship into one that’s nonmonogamous. But you need to sit down and hash out the details, including what’s OK and what’s not.” As for him sleeping with other women, it may well be that your boyfriend wants to give you permission to sleep with others without being able to sleep with others himself; that kind of power imbalance is a huge turn-on for most cuckolds. Again, you’ll have to talk to him.
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