QPlease disregard my previous e-mail. As of the New Year, my girlfriend is no longer a virgin. —No Longer Dating Virgin Girl
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Fact is, NLDVG, I was stumped. When you write an advice column, gentle readers, it looks like you have all the answers because you only run questions for which you have answers. This is as it should and must be; we advice professionals need people to think we have all the answers so that they’ll keep sending us their questions. But this scam has a cruel and unintended consequence: when we don’t respond to a question, the reader who sent it thinks, “He/she doesn’t care” or “He/she is too busy” or “He/she thought my question wasn’t interesting.” Well, the reality may be that he/she has no fucking clue. And here, to mark the New Year, are a few other letters that I haven’t answered for want of a clue.
QThere’s this new pastor at the church I visit. She’s gorgeous, an athlete, and can read ancient Greek. I’ve managed to get her to lunch twice, despite her schedule, and I spelled out my interest explicitly. She seemed receptive, posited that dating someone in her new congregation could possibly cause issues, but may go hiking with me this weekend. So what’s the protocol for dating a smokin’-hot priestess? —Not Very Good Xian
QI’m a gay man living in San Francisco. There are a couple of guys I’m into. Like an actual couple. I’ve messed around with each of them separately, and in both cases I was told to keep it hush-hush because the other didn’t know that he was being messed around on. My problem is not about their dishonesty or any of that bullshit. It’s none of my business. What I really want to know is this: how can I get them both in the sack at the same time? —Trying to Double Down
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