QI am a heterosexual male in my 20s, and I need some help putting a label on my kink/fetish. I usually don’t care much for labels in any aspect of life, but I’m hoping that knowing what to call this may help me find others who share the same interest: I love it when a woman watches me masturbate. She doesn’t have to touch me at all, take off her own clothes, or play with herself. However, she has to enjoy watching me for me to enjoy performing. I have no interest in “flashing” or otherwise imposing myself on someone who doesn’t want to watch. Also, I don’t want to show just anyone; I just enjoy being watched by a woman.
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As for CFNM porn—that’s “clothed female, naked male”—most of it features strong subtexts (or domtexts) of humiliation, even seemingly vanillaish iterations, but that’s unavoidable. CFNM upends all the usual gender power dynamics: the man is naked and vulnerable and subject to the woman’s gaze; the woman is clothed and in control and assessing the man. Perhaps the role that dom/sub dynamics play in your turn-on is so subtle, WANK, that you honestly believe humiliation has nothing to do with it. But it’s in there.
QI’m a gay man who never experimented with girls when I was younger. I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year now, and it’s great. We have an “open-enough” relationship that allows for some exploration of our sexuality with other people and we talk openly about it. The only thing is, I don’t know how to tell him about this fetish I’ve developed for CFNM. I don’t want to have sex with a woman, but I really want to find one who wants to stay fully clothed while watching me masturbate. I also have a fantasy for a woman to watch me have sex with my BF or another man. Attempts to find a woman via various Web sites have so far been unfruitful. I want to blame the prudes in Minneapolis for this, but I’m starting to think women just aren’t into watching a man get naked and jack off.
QMy boyfriend and I met about six weeks ago when a guy I met on Craigslist took me over to my then-future boyfriend’s house for a three-way. During the three-way, my then-future boyfriend struggled with a condom and said that they “choked” him. Then he asked if he could stick it in me without a condom. He stated that he had had a vasectomy and then asked me if I had any STIs. I said that I didn’t and he said that he didn’t either. Long story short, we hit it off and thus began a relationship. After a month of blissful, unprotected sex, my boyfriend told me that he has herpes! He said that he got it a long time ago at his bachelor party. I want to dump the motherfucker, but he’s telling me that he hasn’t had an outbreak in three years and that if I really cared about him it wouldn’t make a difference. What do you think? —Didn’t Know I Was Dating Herpes Boy
AWhatever the fuck is going on here, WTF, and whatever the fuck I tell you to do, I’ll get shitloads of mail—all from readers with no more information to work with than I have—explaining how this is all your fault. Because, you see, you’re the man and whenever a couple’s sex life goes off the rails, it is always the man’s fault. (That’s what makes gay relationships so egalitarian.) But for what it’s worth—and it ain’t worth much—here’s my advice: “surprise” her by moving out.
