I’m pro-sex, bisexual, and GGG. I’m also a mother. I have a 14-year-old son, and when I type a Web site address into our home computer, a million porn sites pop up. I’ve had lots of lovers, watched my share of porn, I masturbate, blah blah blah. But something about my baby looking at Asian sluts getting it up the ass turns me into a sex-negative freak.
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Look, IPRUDE, like a lot of hipster parents, you’ve concluded that your enlightened attitudes toward sex–you look at porn! you masturbate! you’re GGG!–obligates you to smile on your son’s taste in porn and his masturbatory habits. After all, you wouldn’t want your son to judge the porn you like or make you feel bad about masturbating, right? So wouldn’t it make you a hypocrite if you judged his porn and made him feel bad about masturbating? No, IPRUDE, it wouldn’t, and here’s why: because you don’t live in his house, he lives in yours; you’re old enough to understand the difference between porn sex and real sex, he’s not; you’re not using his computer, he’s using yours.
Sorry, IPRUDE, but you have to say something to him because you’re the parent. And there are times when a parent–even a pro-sex, GGG, bisexual parent–has to make her kid feel uncomfortable. The conversation you’re about to have is gonna make your son wanna die, of course, but someone has to tell him that he’s not the porn ninja he thinks he is. Right now he thinks he’s getting away with it, stealthily downloading Asian anal gang-bang porn and having top-secret wanks at mom’s computer. You can’t send him off to college or let him move in with roommates or, God forbid, marry someone believing that he’ll be able to fool his roommates or his new wife the same way he fooled his mother.
I’m a straight male in my early 30s and I have a very small dick. For five years I’ve been hiring attractive hookers to play with my dick and tell me how it could never satisfy them and basically humiliate me verbally. I now find myself in a “normal” relationship with a cute, relatively vanilla girl who I couldn’t possibly ask to satisfy my bizarre fetish.