QYou usually get mail about the sex lives of your readers, being a “sex advice columnist” and all, but I have a problem that has nothing to do with sex. I have a parenting problem, and given that you are a fellow parent, I’m hoping you have some insight.
- Is there an ethical problem with me trying to convince George to adopt my values, in spite of my brother’s intention to raise his son with “his values”? Or, put another way, does my trying to sway George without my brother’s permission give my brother license to use words like “fag” in front of my son without my permission? —Advancing Liberalism in Youth
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ADon’t be such a liberal pussy, ALIY. You’re letting a 13-year-old boy-bigot smack you around! It’s time to stop wringing your hands and start wringing the little bastard’s neck.
If your brother insists that you STFU about your pro-gay views around his kid, you have a right to insist that he and his son STFU about their anti-gay views around your kid, who might—the chance is small, but there’s a chance—grow up to be gay.
I shan’t, ALIY, because there’s no need. Contemplating—to say nothing of forcing others to contemplate—our children’s future sex partners and interests is unnecessary. We parents shouldn’t be in denial about children’s sexuality, of course, and we should make sure our children receive excellent sex education. But beyond that we should demonstrate a quiet reserve, a respect for our children’s privacy, and refuse to indulge in gratuitous speculation. We can let our kids know that it’s OK with us if they’re gay or bisexual—or straight—through our actions and, at carefully chosen moments, through our words.
AGet a necklace or a bracelet, NCA, that you wear only when you want the boyfriend to take charge. You decide when that bracelet or necklace goes on, you decide when it comes off, which puts you in control, paradoxically, of your own submission.
