I have a laptop at home. On occasion my best friend/roommate uses it to check her e-mail. On rare occasions her boyfriend uses it to check his e-mail–or so I thought.
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He’s already seen your ass, SOPT, so why not write “Fuck you, [his name here]!” on your ass with a black Sharpie, take some pics, and leave them on your laptop for your best friend/roommate’s boyfriend to find? When they pop up in “recent items,” SOPT, tear him that new asshole–the next time you see him alone. Then stuff this warning up it: if he so much as touches your laptop again, you’ll tell his girlfriend what he’s been up to.
And here’s hoping he wasn’t up to e-mailing your photos to his friends, ESPN.com, mygirlfriendshotroommate.com, or any one of the three trillion amateur porn sites out there. Modern technology has placed the means of porn production in all of our hands, granting each and every one of us the power to take unlimited pics of our asses, tits, panties, etc. But with great power comes great responsibility. If you don’t want your dirty pics made public, you need to secure them. Put a password on the laptop, people, and keep your dirty discs under lock and key. Because once an Internet porn star, always an Internet porn star.
But here’s a pro that’s rarely acknowledged: sometimes cheating can save a long-term relationship. Sometimes only cheating makes it possible for a sexually rejected partner to stay in a relationship that’s worth preserving for other good, valid reasons–like kids, for instance. And sometimes only cheating makes it possible for a person whose partner has a chronic, debilitating illness to stay put and stay sane. In these cases, cheating isn’t just the right thing to do; it’s the decent and honorable thing to do.
You can act gay and talk gay and not be gay. But you can’t act gay, talk gay, and put up profiles on gay.com without actually being gay. At that point you’ve jumped the rainbow-striped shark.
