Q I’m a 33-year-old married male who has a WAM—wet and messy—fetish. I’m into mud and clay. I’ve played with various substances in the bathroom by myself over the years. It always ends with me masturbating myself into oblivion, wishing there were someone with me so we could sensuously rub against each other, etc, until we both climax. But I was always alone!
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
Needless to say, I was mortified and disappointed, and there was $50 worth of clay in the tub that I didn’t want to go to waste. So I locked her out and decided to try to make the best of it. This backfired because soon she was pounding on the door like she was jealous that I was in there pleasuring myself. I washed off, washed everything down the drain, and opened the door, but it was too late. She was angry and wouldn’t say anything the rest of the day. Neither of us has spoken of it since.
(1) Am I some kind of a freak or weirdo?
I’m not endorsing the way you sprang a tub full of clay on your future wife—maybe she reacted badly because the bathroom was an unholy mess? Maybe you should’ve stopped everything and talked things through when she acted uncomfortable? Maybe the sight of you half-covered in mud and fully aroused was too much, too soon? But why on earth didn’t you get to the bottom of this before you married this woman?
(2) Yes, yours is a relatively common fetish, MUD, one that exists on a continuum. Wet-and-messy play can involve substances that represent a low barrier to entry for the loving, GGG, nonfetishist partner—mud, food, condiments, etc—or substances that are not at all harmless and represent an impossibly high barrier to entry, e.g., shit, vomit, snot. Your kink could be much, much more problematic.
Recently I returned from an adult-industry convention, where I often pick up new toys. One of my gift bags contained a petite sparkly purple vibrator, and I thought, well, it’s not my style but maybe I should give it to my daughter along with a lecture on masturbation being a great alternative to sex. Even though I’m an open-minded and cool mom, this thought still made me uncomfortable, and I relegated the new toy to my nightstand full of gifted-from-vendors toys that aren’t my style.
Send letters to mail at savagelove.net. Download the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
