Q I’m a 21-year-old woman with bi-curious tendencies who’s been in a committed relationship for four years. He’s sweet and kind. We share a lot of interests and get along very well. Thing is, I don’t know if I’m meant to be in a committed relationship. For the past year and a half I’ve been thinking about what things would be like with another man. I also frequently imagine what it might be like to sleep with another girl. In fact, whenever I’m masturbating, I get more excited by lesbian scenarios than straight scenarios—although I’ve never been able to come. I’ve never experienced an orgasm. But that’s another can of worms.
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If you, as an “impartial” observer, could help me out, I’d really appreciate it. —Have My Cake
A You can have your current boyfriend, HMC, at the price of a lousy and uninspired sex life with a guy who doesn’t give a shit about your pleasure—excuse me, a partner who hasn’t created a lot of “macho drama” about the fact that you’ve never had an orgasm and isn’t interested in helping you realize your fantasies—or you can find a new boyfriend and/or girlfriend and perhaps discover that orgasms are easier to come by when you’re with someone who (1) turns you on and (2) gives a shit about your pleasure and (3) hasn’t come to symbolize the death of sexual possibility.
Don’t make the “macho drama” mistake of viewing the orgasms she self-induces while you’re there as somehow deficient or dysfunctional. The more you can relax and enjoy the orgasms she’s self-inducing now—the more you can both relax and enjoy them—the sooner she’ll be able to relax, enjoy, and, perhaps, transition to orgasms induced by someone else/someone else’s dick.
Q I’m an 18-year-old straight girl. I’m also a virgin. After my 18th birthday, I bought a small vibrator. I love it—it’s completely changed masturbation and I reached orgasm for the first time. However, I’m worried about developing a dependence on it. Should I hold off on using it until I get some real experience? —Teen With a Tech
Look, BLOWJOB, if you’re both giving and receiving oral and giving and receiving hand jobs, then you haven’t been “condemned” to “just” vaginal intercourse. You’re having all kinds of sex—it’s just that he requires something very specific in order to get off. If there are times when you want to mess around without being fucked, or times when you’re not up for vaginal intercourse, just get him as close as you can and let him finish himself off with his hand.
