Q I’m writing to you under the influence of a little alcohol, as I’m not sure I’d have the courage to write to you about this sober. I’ve got an awkward situation.
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OK: Dad’s an abusive asshole and borderline psycho, and Mom’s a beautiful woman with a lot of opportunities and social skills. The only reason she didn’t leave him was to keep the family together and for those same stupid cultural reasons. But it’s hard knowing my mom is a CPOS. It’s killing my older brother, who’s close to her—it’s making him really depressed. He feels betrayed, because for years he’s defended her against my father when he accuses her of cheating and calls her a whore. So what I want advice on is how the hell to confront her about it. I know I snooped in her e-mail, and I know that was wrong. So what the hell to say? —Mother Obliterated Monogamy
A Here’s what you say to your mother: “Good for you, mom.”
Yes, yes: maybe your mom should’ve divorced your father, or had him murdered, but for reasons that will only ever be known to her, she decided that keeping her family intact—maybe for cultural reasons, maybe for the sake of the kids—was more important than remaining faithful to an antisocial psycho. It’s easy to say that cheating is always wrong and to call everyone who cheats a POS, but sometimes an affair is the least worst option.
And if she says, “Don’t bring him. I don’t want your gay boyfriend at my wedding,” then you say, “If you don’t want gays at your wedding, sis, then you shouldn’t have invited me. I want to be there—but if I come, I’m bringing my boyfriend.”
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