QSet me straight. I married my wife several months ago after dating for three years. Things are generally excellent, except for one problem: when my wife gets drunk, she gets crazy flirtatious. She’ll dance close to people, touch them, hold hands. A couple of times I thought it went too far and I told her she was making me uncomfortable. She claims it’s just harmless friendliness/flirtation and says she would never let anything happen.
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I’m grappling with three issues: (1) Did she cheat? Although we’ve never talked about the rules concerning kissing gay friends, we both know she crossed a line (there was tongue). (2) How much did she betray me by not telling me until after we were married? (3) Am I being a selfish prude by caring about either her aggressive flirting or this kiss? She’s very contrite and swears she will calm down the flirtation. Should I forgive her and move on? Or should I run the hell away before it’s too late?
A(1) No. (2) Your wife’s failure to disclose a single drugged-up, blissed-out, pre-exchange-of-vows kiss shared with a gay dude on a dance floor—even with tongue—does not constitute a “betrayal.” It constitutes an omission. (3) Yes, STH, you are being a selfish prude, and yes, you should forgive her.
QI’m a 17-year-old gay male. I’m into farts. It took me a while to come to terms with that. I attend a moderate-size high school where there are very few out gay guys, so I’m desperately looking forward to meeting new people in college. The thing is, I’ve gleaned from your column that my fetish is a handicap. It was hard enough accepting that I’m gay and harder still to accept that I have a fart fetish. Do I now have to accept that I will never be able to go through the cycle of human sexual bonding in a normal way, since you suggest that fetishists like me should stick to sex workers and online-organized hookups with fellow fetishists?
You’ll also be able to meet guys the normal way, HOPE—in your classes, in bars, at parties, and via nonkink hookup Web sites popular with gay college boys. You may wind up partnered with a guy who finds you so attractive that he’s willing to indulge you. Or, like a lot of people with unique and/or challenging fetishes, you may wind up in a long-term relationship with a loving partner with whom you enjoy vanilla sex while indulging your fetish via online porn, chats, webcam sessions, and, yes, understanding sex workers whom you treat with respect and overtip.
