Q I’m from the other side of the country, but I’m sitting in my lover’s San Francisco apartment wondering what I’m doing. I flew out here to spend five glorious days with her. We connect sexually (she’s a dom stone-butch top, I’m a queer femme sub), we connect intellectually, and we make each other laugh. I’m head over heels for her and for this city.
AStart with the cliches—”Age is just a number,” “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow,” “Someone’s gotta change your diapers”—and finish with a grace note: You love her, and you want to be with her, and you hope you’ll always be close, whatever she ultimately decides.
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I’ve never been to a speed-dating event before, though, so I’m not sure about protocol. I think that bringing up being bi/poly would make the whole five minutes (or whatever) about that, and I’d really rather talk about mutual interests, etc. Sexual orientation is a rather overdone topic to me, and talking about only that wouldn’t let me figure out if I’m even interested in the other person. I’m not embarrassed by it at all (I’m completely uncloseted); I’d just rather talk about more interesting things.
That said, SD, due to prejudices beyond your control—biphobia, polyphobia—you may omit the bi/poly info about yourself on that first five-minute date. But you’re obligated to disclose before a second date is arranged. Not to spare the women and/or men you might wind up dating from the unspeakable horrors of going out with a bi/poly dude, but to avoid wasting time on women and/or men who can’t handle it.
AI don’t see a conflict, WOK, but I am not now, nor have I ever been, the Archbishop of Canterbury. If you can meet and marry a nice boy who shares your kinks, and you remain successfully monogamous, and you have no desire to go to the Folsom Street Fair or post play pictures of yourself on kinky personal sites, I don’t see how your coreligionists will learn about your sexual interests, much less be scandalized by ’em.
