QI’m a 20-year-old bi girl and I’ve been with my boyfriend a little over a year. We’ve talked about having an FFM threesome, but the first time we talked about it, we realized that we were not on the same page, and now every time I try to bring up the possibilities of a threesome, we end up in an argument. I’d like to talk about some rules, just in case it happens as he imagines it—we pick up a girl at a bar—but he won’t talk to me, because he claims that it would make a threesome not as spontaneous. Also, there’s an unspoken worry that my desire to have a threesome is just a way for me to explore having sex with a woman while he watches. I admit that this is what I was most interested in, in the beginning, but I’ve since gotten pretty turned on by the idea of him fucking another girl if I tell him to. Any advice on what I should do? —No Rules for the Game
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ABefore we get to an answer—an answer, NRFTG, not my answer—a brief note. I feel deeply honored every morning when I open my laptop and see the huge number of e-mails that have poured in overnight. You, my readers, share the most intimate details of your lives with me, you open your hearts and pour out your hopes and your fears, and you often attach pictures. (Pics of your hot boyfriend? Good. Pics of your mysterious genital rash? Bad.) I am always deeply humbled by your trust. A sacred bond ties an advice columnist to his readers, and I would never do anything to violate or weaken that bond.
“That said, seeing as much of the purpose of the exercise is for him to fuck other women, it’s hard to see that he has any grounds for complaint on that score. So, either way, he’s pretty much a moron and should grow up, quit whining, and enjoy the threesome.”
He’s not just an occasional user, either. This is multiple times a day, every day. I tried to brush it off until my sister walked in on him looking at—not jerking off to, thankfully—an X-rated video. On Christmas Day, right before dinner. In the computer room, which is in the main hallway of the house, with the door open.
“But based on your letter, COS, I wonder whether he’s just technically clueless. It doesn’t take a computer expert to realize that watching porn in the main hallway with the door open carries a real risk of discovery—which may actually be what he wants. However, given that this is embarrassing you and your family, I don’t see any alternative but to confront him and tell him he needs to do a better job of hiding his habit and that you’re willing to help him with that. I’m sure that will be excruciating, but probably a lot less bad than walking in on Dad jerking off to Internet porn.”
