Q I’m a 23-year-old bi dude seeing a guy who is intelligent, sweet, attractive—the works. We’ve been together for six weeks. The problem is, after our first night together I lost sexual interest in him. When I do get horny—which is rare at the moment due to work pressures—I prefer to beat off alone, because I can fantasize about some sort of transgression or other when I do it, e.g., having sex where I’m at risk of being discovered, rape fantasies, incest scenarios. Obviously, at some point I began associating “sexy” with “dangerous” and maybe “wrong.”
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And when you’re not having dangerous and/or wrong sex, TGOE, you can talk—talk dirty—about all the dangerous and/or wrong sex you’ve had with him already and plan to have with him in the future. Even if you’re fucking around under the covers at home with the door shut and the lights off, TGOE, you can tell him about how next time you’re going to fuck him so hard in a public place that the police are going to come running when they hear him scream because you’re both so dangerous and wrong and blah blah dirty talk blah.
But you’ll never get to a “two guys, two erections” place, TGOE, if you don’t risk sharing your real sexual fantasies and interests with this guy. Given a choice between hot sex with his boyfriend—which requires incorporating the boyfriend’s kinks—or boring sex that leaves you feeling unsatisfied and him feeling rejected, and eventually leads to the demise of this relationship, your boyfriend is likelier to choose hot sex.
Anyway, FFOFF, unless you put your most outrageous sexual fantasies in writing—and hopefully you didn’t—you’re not the one in danger here. Your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend is. Here’s what you do: Spend a week in front of a mirror perfecting a look of stunned incredulity, and then go break things off with your girlfriend. Make sure the actual split is big and messy and public. If she attempts to retaliate by telling people about your no-longer-operative sexual fantasies, FFOFF, you slap that look of stunned incredulity on your face and say, “I knew we had a bad breakup, but my god, what kind of sick piece of shit makes up something like that?”
And for the record: Neither of you is a virgin. You have a little virgin territory left to explore—your vagina, your butt, his butt—but you’re both sexually active nonvirgins, and have been for months.
