Q I’m a 30-year-old woman, married for five years to a man eight years my senior. Lately I’ve become more aware that I’m turned on by the idea of bondage, specifically men locked up in chastity devices. I’m ashamed of myself because it seems, well, pretty perverse and disturbed.
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No relationship lasts unless both partners are willing to bite their tongues from time to time in the interest of keeping the peace. But when someone says her husband won’t tolerate any disagreement “in certain situations,” that worries me. Maybe the list of those situations is relatively short now, TTT, and maybe it’s something you can live with. But if your husband realizes that he can successfully control you with his anger, the list is likely to grow. Be careful.
On to your fetish: it sounds like you were always turned on by the idea of controlling a man; you write that you’ve become “more aware” of this fetish, which leads me to believe that you’ve had some awareness all along. Why is it coming to the forefront now? It could have something to do with hitting your sexual peak, which women do around 30, and it could be because your kinks go so strongly against the grain of the established emotional dynamics of your marriage.
Back to your marriage: if you were doing something wrong, HORNYO, if you destroyed your wife’s attraction to you through neglect (or something worse), then you are obligated to make a good-faith effort to undo the damage and, perhaps, restore the sexual aspect of your marriage. But if the wife cut you off because she simply isn’t interested in sex anymore—or if she never was interested in sex—then you are entitled to seek what sexual fulfillment you can find outside your marriage.
A Why would your boyfriend’s best friend come to you now, SAD, so many months after the Underwear Incident, and tell you this involved, incriminating, improbable story and then swear you to secrecy? Either he’s made up all of this crap about the hooker in an effort to sabotage your relationship, SAD, or he and your boyfriend are concerned that you’re onto them and this is some bizarre effort to cover their tracks, i.e., to offer some excuse for the sole piece of incriminating evidence that indicates they may be something more than best friends.
