Q I’m a happily married, happily nonmonogamous male. We are not wild swinger types. For us it’s more about the fact that monogamy doesn’t work than about nailing everything that walks by. Anyway, I’ve encountered an odd situation a few times now—and again last night—where I’ll be flirting with a potential fling and she knows I’m married and she’s very interested. But when she finds out my marriage is nonmonogamous, she suddenly backs out. Case in point, a coworker: we’ve been flirting since I started my new job a few months ago. Today she asked me what my wife would do if she found out I was sneaking around on her. Good time to make a full disclosure! But when I told her my situation, that was the end of our flirtation.
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A This woman didn’t find the idea of cheating with you “OK,” NFW, she wanted to fuck you because you’re married and presumably monogamous. Try to look at it from her perspective: When she thought you were willing to cheat on your wife to be with her, NFW, that meant you found her so attractive, so utterly irresistible, that you would break your marriage vows and risk everything to get into her pants. Sleeping with her with your wife’s permission? Meh, where’s the ego boost in that?
In the past year I’ve had a crush on a coworker, and my husband is OK with me having something on the side with him. This coworker is single (last I heard) and 17 years younger (yikes!), and he knows I’m married. We had a great working relationship while we were assigned to a project together, but now he’s in another department. My question is, how to go from here? After having a few good talks with my husband, I’m both excited about this idea and terrified. I’m having a private lunch with my coworker soon. This is fine with my husband. What can you tell me to calm me the hell down and allow me not to be so stressed? After being conditioned my whole life to think that monogamy is the only way to go, I’m having a hard time shifting! —Newly Open Couple Lacks Understanding and Education
Q I have a new coworker, a young man who’s gay and quite effeminate. He’s slim, wears makeup, has boyish/feminine features, and has done some modeling work as a woman. He said in a lunchroom discussion today that he prefers to wear women’s clothes. He said he’d worn them at a previous workplace, and no one had been offended. I suggested he talk to HR to protect his job before coming to work dressed in women’s clothing. Good advice, or should I just mind my own business?
As for “how to handle situations” where you find yourself in the same restroom with your newest coworker, SKIRT, unless you routinely offer to zip up your coworkers or wipe their asses for them, I don’t see how his presence—or his attire or the particular brand of genitalia tucked into his panties—really impacts you at all.
