Q I have a bit of a situation. I’m a 23-year-old heterosexual male, and I’m married. My wife and I also happen to have a girlfriend now, making our arrangement a polyamorous triad. We all love each other very much, and we’re getting to the point where we’re thinking about how to tell our parents about our relationship.
If we shouldn’t disclose, then how do we deal with things like family holidays and other group events? Is not disclosing a sign that either my wife or girlfriend is ashamed of the life we lead? Your help would be appreciated. —Not Telling the Whole Truth
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All that said, NTTWT, I do think loving, committed nonmonogamous couples should be open with their families, if only to prove to people that loving, committed nonmonogamous couples exist. I’m not encouraging you to be closeted, just strategic. Your wife’s family is more likely to be accepting if they perceive your marriage as not just loving but lasting. Give it a few years, NTTWT, and then, whether the current girlfriend is still in the picture or not, your wife can let her mother know—as matter-of-factly as possible—that you’re poly.
Q I’m a guy in my late 30s and have been married for 12 mostly happy years, with three kids. I’ve never cheated, despite a boring sex life that I’ve tried to spice up, though my efforts weren’t received well. We’ve talked at length about the frequency and style of our sex life, but she’s not interested in having sex very often, and when she is, it only happens one of two ways. I’ve thought about having sex with other women but have never acted on any of the opportunities that came my way. I’ve jerked off to plenty of porn in the meantime, though.
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