Q I’m a 25-year-old girl dating a 26-year-old guy. My boyfriend identifies as sexually submissive. He likes to be tied up, put in women’s underwear, and locked in a chastity device, and he has a strong urge to please. I hate the term, but I suppose you could call me a “feeder.” I am turned on by the idea of someone eating a lot of food, usually junk food, and putting on weight.
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Thing is, it’s hard enough to convince your partner to work out when it will lead to your being more attracted to him. It’s nearly impossible to convince your partner to work out when it may lead to your being less attracted to him. So what do I do? I could say he knows the risks, and since I’m not forcing him to do anything, I could just run with it. But I would still feel bad knowing that he was essentially worse off—less healthy—for having dated me. I just don’t want to give him a complex. —Fat Admirer Troubled
So get off the rack already—that’s where the boyfriend belongs—and negotiate an explicit “power exchange agreement” where his diet and weight are concerned. Explain to him that having a dominant feeder girlfriend doesn’t give him license to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and put on however much weight he wants. You’re the dominant, FAT—you’re in charge—so you get to determine what he eats, when he eats, how much he eats, and ultimately how much weight he gains.
Q A question in the spirit of the season: Can zombie sex ever be consensual? Because I think if confronted with a zombified Zac Efron, I might go for it if he were properly restrained. Can you teach a zombie a safe word? Does it count if it’s braaaains? It’s not necrophilia with the walking dead, is it? What would you say is the sexual morality of this situation? —Hope in Zombie Zac if Ethical
Q I came up with an amazing word years ago, and I’ve been trying like hell to get it into the dictionary: procrasturbation. It means “to waste time by pleasuring yourself.” I wrote Merriam-Webster back in 2004—here’s the response I got: “Your coinage is clever, but I’m afraid that cleverness is not the criterion on which a word is entered into our dictionaries. . . . For procrasturbate to be entered, it will need to appear in a number of well-read print sources for a good number of years. When we’ve collected enough citations for the word, we will enter it into our dictionary.”
