Q Three months ago my sociopathic girlfriend dumped me because I was going into the military. Afterward, I found out she was cheating on me with a married man. The one great thing about her was that she opened me up. At 22, I’d been in only a few other relationships. The sex with her was amazing, and she turned me on to different things (kinks, dirty talk, foreplay). I now have two problems: (1) I’m going into the army and don’t want to get into a serious relationship, and (2) I’m having a hard time finding people willing to have casual-yet-kinky sex. I tried online, but the minute someone sees the “going into the army” portion of my profile, they assume I’m some sort of conservative prick. But I’m liberal and open-minded and just looking to have some NSA sex before I leave for the army. Help! —Kinky Open-Minded Soldier
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
But I’m not sure the army portion of your profile is the issue. There are a lot of conservative kinksters out there (I hear from them whenever I tear into a conservative politician in this space), and there are a lot of liberal/hippie/NPR-listening kinksters out there who are attracted to military guys despite their politics (I hear from them whenever they want permission to cheat on their pansy-ass, hypersensitive hippie boyfriends with gruff ‘n’ buff military guys).
Q I’m a youngish (barely under 30) woman, currently involved in a great hetero relationship. My boyfriend is caring, unlike some men I’ve dated before, and I see him as a life partner. The trouble is, I find sex profoundly boring. I get vaguely “horny” maybe twice a year, and I don’t like sex.
But even if your current BF leaves you, DRY, you’re not necessarily “doomed to be alone.” There are men out there who feel the same way about sex that you do. If your boyfriend dumps you, come out as very nearly asexual and go find yourself a very nearly asexual guy who wants to cuddle, kiss, talk, and go out. And if you do ultimately wind up alone, DRY, no whining: there are lots of happily partnered asexuals out there and lots of unhappy sexuals who wound up alone despite their interest in sex.
A You weren’t dragged into Sparky’s sex life when you hired him, ANH, but when he made the choice—perhaps he felt he was just following orders—to hand you that envelope. At that point, he involved you in his sex life, which was rude and unprofessional.
