QI am a kinky, youthful 72-year-old guy. I grew up in the Pleistocene era, when there was virtually no way to meet a kinky woman. I’ve had two vanilla marriages, and three months ago I ended a four-year vanilla relationship with the best woman I’ve ever met. I just couldn’t take not being a BDSM person anymore, and I broke up with this wonderful woman so I could do BDSM. I’ve had some fun, but no candidate for a possible LTR has come along. In the meantime, my most recent ex (I’ll call her “Mel”) and I have both been bereft over our split. It is like a death, and we grieve it every day. But I need the BDSM lifestyle, and I figured that sooner or later I would meet someone else and get over Mel.
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Two days ago, Mel called me and said she wants me back. She says she’s willing to do what I need if it will make it possible for us to be together. Since I am a switch, it would be perfectly acceptable to me to have her abuse and torture me. I am functioning as a dom in the BDSM world at the moment, since there are so few female switches around and virtually all female subs turn green at the idea of being with a switch. Also, the competition for female dominants is fierce, and it’s too much for me—especially at age 72. However, if I had to choose to be one or the other, I would choose to be a sub to a dominant woman. Can Mel be that woman? Is it possible for a vanilla person to adapt to BDSM? Also, she does have a few weirdo fantasies of her own, such as making it with a chimp. But she stresses these are not very intensely compelling, as mine are. If it is possible for her to make this change, are there any good books on this? —Wants Helpful Insight, Please!
And if not Mel, who?
And if all goes well—if Mel isn’t traumatized or disgusted by BDSM sex, if she enjoys dominating you or is GGG enough to go there for you on a regular basis—don’t be a stupid, selfish kinkster, WHIP. By which I mean to say: Don’t neglect Mel’s desire for vanilla sex. If it helps to think of vanilla sex as a horrible ordeal that you have to submit to—vanilla is a service you provide to Mel, your dom, because you’re a good slave—then ask Mel to order you to have vanilla sex.
AFirst, get to a couples counselor.
