Q I’m a straight guy, and my first girl was very experienced—she was proud to say she’d been with at least 30 guys before me. When all was said and done, she said that I was the most well endowed of any man she’d seen before.
Q I just got off the phone after another long-distance fight—I mean discussion—with my mother regarding her godson, my cousin “A.” I am sure (and my brother and father agree) that A is gay, like his dad (long story). He talks incessantly about Finding a Nice Christian Girl and Settling Down (although he doesn’t even date). It makes me want to vomit. Unfortunately, A has absorbed his mother’s reactionary religious dogma. I say he should get some therapy and try to have a happy and fulfilled life as the person he really is. My mother says he is “asexual.” I say he was scarred by his childhood (his father left his mother for a man and later died of AIDS). This argument has been going on for a decade.
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She raised me to be a feminist, but I can’t bring myself to ask her if she would kick up this much of a fuss if I were a 21-year-old man who watched porn. I don’t know what to do to make her happy, short of having some sort of aversion therapy. I feel really conflicted: Away from my mother, I feel like a confident, empowered young woman in my social life and my sex life; when I’m with her, I feel like this mute, angry, introverted little victim.
And this probably wouldn’t be legal either, but it could sell a lot of DVDs: I think the Jonas Brothers should lose their hyped-and-pimped virginities to the Hanson brothers. It’s not just the perverse symmetry of it all that appeals—two boy-bands-of-brothers coming together—but that the Jonas Brothers are now what Hanson was then, and the Hanson brothers are now what the Jonas Brothers are destined to become. They were made—manufactured—for each other.
