QNot sure that even you can help with this one, but I’ll give it a shot . . .
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I’ve spoken to him about these incidents, and even though I try to laugh them off to hide my fear, he feels terrible about what he’s done. He is fully asleep when these incidents occur, so it’s not as if he can do anything about them. I’ve stopped telling him when the incidents happen because I don’t want him to feel so bad about something he can’t control. I’ve tried seeking advice from other places, but I am usually told to “just ignore it” or “just enjoy it.” I don’t enjoy it. I can’t ignore it. It hurts and it scares me. Should I just ignore it and enjoy it? Is this a common problem? Is there even an answer? Am I being too sensitive? —Scared of Stiffy
A”SOS’s husband has semiregular sexsomnia, a subtype of sleepwalking,” says Jesse Bering, a psychological scientist and a regular contributor to Scientific American and Slate, “and SOS is not being too sensitive.”
But your husband is unlikely to get the help he needs if you continue to minimize the problem for fear of making him feel bad. Stop laughing these violent episodes off, SOS, and start telling him about every one. Explain to your husband that all this violent sleepfucking has left you feeling traumatized and that he has to see a doctor as soon as possible. Hearing that might make your husband feel terrible, SOS, but these episodes are making you feel terrible. Why shouldn’t he feel terrible about them, too?
Jesse Bering has a kinder, gentler suggestion.
QYou will no doubt get some flak for your response to the snowboarder who needs a finger up his ass in order to come. He stated that he is so ashamed of this practice that when he’s fucking a girl and wants to come, he pushes the woman’s face in a pillow to hide it. How could you let that little bit of minisadism pass without comment? I hope you will throw a comment in next week’s column to acknowledge it. You are normally so thorough in your replies, Dan! —Pillow Fight
