QI recently ended a relationship that lasted a year and five months. While I loved this woman, for much of the relationship she was, to varying degrees, depressed. I tried to be as helpful and patient as possible with the hope and expectation that she would get better. I got her into counseling. We went to couples counseling together. She got on medication. I encouraged her to eat well (I cooked her many healthy meals) and exercise daily (which she was never able to do). I tried to get her out into nature. I tried to listen and practice strong communication skills. I encouraged her to explore the benefits of a fulfilling and GGG relationship, but our sex life faltered because of the depression and her low libido. I kept helping and waiting, but she was simply unable to assert herself to make healthy changes (both physical and mental). I felt trapped dating someone who couldn’t take control of her life, and the patterns kept repeating. I eventually ended the relationship, which was the right decision for me, but she was crushed. I’m hoping we can be friends in the future. Do you have any advice for dating someone with depression? Can relationships and depression work? I found it to be soul crushing. —Serious About Depression
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A “I think SAD did the right thing,” said Rob Delaney, the comedian, Twitter supernova, and author of the new book Rob Delaney: Mother. Wife. Sister. Human. Warrior. Falcon. Yardstick. Turban. Cabbage. “And not only ‘the’ right thing, but a series of right things.”
Delaney not only felt that you had done right by this woman, but that your actions could serve as a template for other readers dating people struggling with depression.
QI’m a 21-year-old gay male who loves listening to the Savage Lovecast as I bike to school. My question: Can someone grow out of or “quit” a fetish? For me, I’m an ABDL, which stands for “adult baby/diaper lover.” I get turned on by putting other guys into diapers or having other, usually older, guys put me in diapers. I can have normal sex and have had a few decent relationships, or at least as decent as most gay guys still in college have, with guys I’ve met through kink sites like Fetlife or through the normal means of meeting guys. I’ve met a great guy who has helped me mix ABDL with bondage for some real fun, and I’m pretty OK with knowing that there’s nothing particularly wrong with having a kink like mine. I had a perfectly normal childhood, and it’s not like I suffered a diaper-related trauma or something. I just always liked diapers. Unfortunately, this particular fetish creeps most people out and is closely associated with pedophilia, even though members of the ABDL community have no interest in kids. However, the idea of being into this kink when I’m in my 40s really grosses me out. I’ve gone through the binge-and-purge cycle most guys go through when they realize they’re into diapers. But is there any way to retrain your brain to not get off on a particular fetish? —Another Boy Diaper Lover
