You might remember that 2012 was the year of the latest most important elections of our lifetime—a chance for all of us to help get the country back on track by electing candidates who would fix the economy, clean up corruption, help the little guy, and protect our rights.
for saying one thing and doing something else even after you’re caught doing what you say you’re not: Mayor Rahm Emanuel—for the second year in a row! He still hasn’t hired those 1,000 new cops, reformed the city’s TIF program, or ended the gimmicks in the city budget, like diverting water and sewer tax revenues to things that have nothing to do with water or sewers.
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for never letting a serious crisis go to waste: Juan Rangel, CEO of UNO Charter Schools, for using the CPS teachers’ strike as an opportunity to recruit students for his nonunionized schools. Always open for business—and still plenty of seats available!
for the tough black chick who sticks it to the man: Chicago Teachers Union president Karen Lewis, who emerged from the strike more popular than ever among her rank and file. We’re all still wishing we could have witnessed her exchange with Mayor Emanuel at City Hall: “Fuck me? Fuck you, you low-life piece of … ”
First runner-up: Losing senate candidate Todd Akin of Missouri, who offered the theory that women don’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape.”
for an unusual interest in necrophilia: Cook County state’s attorney Anita Alvarez, for saying “it’s possible” that a serial rapist’s DNA ended up on a murder victim because he assaulted her after she was dead—instead of just admitting the county probably prosecuted five innocent men for the crime.
First runner-up: Alderman Richard Mell, for redrawing the Chicago ward boundaries to protect the incumbency of mayoral suck-ups while mapping opponents like Robert Fioretti out of their wards.
