F ew are allowed to pass through the gates to the citadel of power. But you, aspiring freelancer, may step into this gleaming realm with today’s deal: the opportunity to attend the prestigious Groupon Academy and compete for a staff writing position paying at least $33,000 a year. The cost to you? Merely the possibility that if you don’t get the job we could keep you from working anywhere else.
But there’s been a catch. Before they could be considered for employment, Groupon until very recently required these writers to sign a noncompete agreement that would remain binding even if Groupon didn’t hire them.
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I’m not the only one. Last month the Atlantic Monthly ran an article about Groupon’s rigorous editorial standards. Recruits are issued a copy of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style. Veterans mentor them as though they were cub reporters in a newsroom. A premium is placed on lean prose and double-checked facts.
For millennia, humankind has enjoyed taunting the sea—skipping from landmass to landmass, the murky deep baying ruefully at our backs as we dance, carefree, across its wine-dark surface. But before you attempt a trans-Atlantic crossing, learn the fundamental skills of the ancient art of sea-baiting with today’s Groupon: $25 for a half-day tour at Sea Kayak Georgia (a $55 value).
Let me go over that again in plain English. The 30 or so people going to the seminar—mostly journeyman freelancers, out-of-work journalists, and recent graduates—weren’t promised full-time employment, or even freelance work. But just to get in the room, they had to agree not to work for any Groupon competitor anywhere in the world. Given that many news organizations—including the Reader—have launched their own deal-of-the-day programs, learning the company’s line dance could cost me my career.
I’m halfway through this “illustration,” but enough is enough.
Fern Trevino, a Chicago attorney specializing in employment law, largely agrees. “If the employer pursues it, you’ve got to go and hire a lawyer now and respond to that lawsuit. And even if the judge finds in your favor, it can still cost you thousands of dollars.”
